Sometimes I look at you and I think those thoughts I should of passed away long ago. Like when you smile so handsomely, or when you make me laugh by the sound of your joking voice. When we tease each other and joke, it's so hard not to see you that way. I'm scared, nay, terrified I'm going to do something that jeopardizes this friendship; if we're playing around like we did just over an hour ago and you lent in close and it feel so much like you were going to kiss me, it set my heart on fire in such a passionate way. What if one day I actually do kiss you, the sheer embarrassment would tare me apart into places I don't want to go again. It's like torture, hearing people saying everyone but me would end up with you. So shy, whispering into your eyes with mine for you to feel the same way; but I don't want this friendship we hold so dear to end. Me, being the person I am would shatter it into a million pieces under the space of a week, maybe even a day. I don't want to like you, even now saying that I 'like' you is an understatement, I don't love you unless it's for friendship, for that I adore you, but it's more like an invisible coat of arms around me, protecting me from hate, anger and sadness within. I'm in between love and lust, like and adore, a crush and hopelessness.

You, with her, does not cause jealously like I thought it would. Does not pain me, or wish that I had chosen this words sooner, even though you would have rejected them so quickly I would have feel down a deep dark hole, always trying but failing to escape. It eases me so much to say, you love her and for that, I am glad. You have someone in your life that makes you happy, to be worth living. For that, I thank her each and everyday. I do not wish for you to break her precious little heart, for her, I do not want to harm. Mainly, for you to understand, what it feels like to be me, with my taped up heart, it is hard to not fall for you when you were the only one there when he left me.

I wish you all the best. Not that I'm going anywhere time soon, but I'm sure if I did, you'd come after me, not as a lover, or someone who needs me, but for me to need you. Not in the way, you need someone to love you, when you do not intend to love them back. For protection, against the world. Thank you, for everything.